Nonetheless that isn't what I wanted to write about.
I am writing as a kind of nicotine patch, trying to wean myself off of Myspace, and contact with this man who I never kissed or held hands with but fell for anyway ... alcoholic unemployed depressive that he is. Aw, bless. Love is love, there's no logic to it. He's obviously more than that, too, of course. Truth challenged, has a thing for girls half his age, and plays video games non-stop.
He's also bright, sensitive, creative, funny, big-hearted, passionate, thoughtful ...
If I post something there, if I log in, I'll see if he's posted anything, I'll be connected to his life and experiences then, and I'm trying now to be logical and reasonable and to 'move on'.
So instead I inflict myself on you, my Patch, my substitute for him.
I suppose this would all be a bit easier to take if my cat hadn't just died this week.
There, NOW do you feel sorry for me? ; )
I miss her terribly. I feel lonely with it all, the loss of her and the knowledge that I can't even be friends with him ... and a growing knowingness that I won't fall in love again.
It is a relief, too, though. I don't ever have to feel not good enough for anyone but me.
I think I'm good enough for me. At least I can mostly trust myself to take my side in things.
She was a great cat.
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